Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
