I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
