Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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