wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
