I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
