Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They have beer where we have blood.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
