Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
