I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
