Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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