There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
