Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
