He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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