We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
