this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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