great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize