There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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