Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
