did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
