he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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