Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
