my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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