We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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