Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
