Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
