Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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