I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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