He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
