I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize