I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
