My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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