Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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