moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
