Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
