I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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