why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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