i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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