He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
