I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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