Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
