gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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