break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
