may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
