got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
