I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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