I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
