Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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