One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
