Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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