Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
