so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
