We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
