Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
