Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
