just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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