I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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