Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
