i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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