I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
