Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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