Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize