i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
