Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
